Are You Your Husband’s Defender–or His Prosecutor?

23 Sep

3D_Judges_GavelI was annoyed with my husband this weekend. I won’t tell you why. I’m sure at one point, you were annoyed with your spouse, so you can fill in your own offense.

The incident reminded me of something I heard Beth Moore say in her Bible study, Wising Up.  She made the point that, if we wanted to, we could be irritated with our husbands all day, every day. I agree completely—and I think the same goes for him. My husband has as many reasons to find fault with me as I do with him. But Proverbs 19:11 says, “Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.”

So here’s a question: In the courtroom of life, who are you to your husband?

Are you the judge, presiding from on high, anxious to make a ruling over his activities? Are you listening to your husband’s accusers and prosecutors, willing to take their side? Are you waiting for him to make a mistake, for your opportunity to bang your gavel and announce, “Guilty!”

Maybe you’re the prosecutor, flitting around the courtroom of life telling everybody what he’s done wrong, reminding the jury and audience about his past sins.

Or you could be the accuser, ready to share the many ways he’s wronged you, watching the audience’s eyes fill with sympathetic tears and shoot daggers at the man you promised to love, honor, and cherish.

Tweet this: In the courtroom of life, be your husband’s defender, not his prosecutor.

In the courtroom of life, I hope to be my husband’s defender. I want to sit beside him and hold his hand. When asked, I want to tell of all the wonderful things he’s done. I don’t have to believe he’s perfect—or even innocent, in some cases. But as his defender, my job is to tell the courtroom—the judge, the jury, the witnesses—about all of his great qualities. Yes, he’s imperfect. But he’s also a million wonderful things.  And if I’ve been a good partner to him, then I’ve been storing up all those wonderful things to remember when the accusers and prosecutors and witnesses hurl their accusations.

I will try to overlook as many offenses as I can and notice all the great things about my husband. I resolve to be not his judge, nor his prosecutor, nor his accuser, but instead to be his defender and best witness. That attitude will be to our glory and that of our heavenly Father.

Robin Patchen lives in Edmond, Oklahoma, with her husband and three teenagers. Her third book, Finding Amanda, released in April, and its prequel, Chasing Amanda, released in July. When Robin isn’t writing or caring for her family, she works as a freelance editor at Robin’s Red Pen, where she specializes in Christian fiction. Read excerpts and find out more at her website,


Posted by on September 23, 2015 in Robin Patchen


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3 responses to “Are You Your Husband’s Defender–or His Prosecutor?

  1. twinwillowsfarm

    September 23, 2015 at 8:55 am

    Well said! While the occasional joke about men in general or a hubby in particular can be funny, nothing makes me more uncomfortable than a friend telling me something critical/bitter/nasty about her husband. I just finished Jane Kirkpatrick’s new release, “The Memory Weaver” that deals with this very issue. Timely!


  2. Robin Patchen

    September 23, 2015 at 12:47 pm

    I haven’t read that, but it sounds good. Thanks!


    • twinwillowsfarm

      September 23, 2015 at 3:02 pm

      It’s a historical based on the first white child born (at least, the first to survive) in the Oregon territory, her life and family. Jane Kirkpatrick doesn’t romanticize history. It’s gritty and raw in places, but well written and you can’t help but be in awe of what our ancestors survived.

      Liked by 1 person


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